Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Kya kare...control nahi hota

Dodda: Can you cook?


Me: No


Dodda: Can you sing?


Me: No, I can only croak :) !!


Dodda: What about embroidery, sewing etc?


Me: What about it?


Dodda: Do you know that?


Me: Mom knows that.


Dodda: Humph.......girls these days....now, do you know how to wear a saree?


Me: Ayyo......I can hardly go to work wearing a saree right? It’s too difficult to manage.


Dodda: Ayyo HuDugi..... how do you expect to get married if you do not know all these things?


Me: (grinning gleefully)
But Dodda, I can always marry someone who knows how to cook and sew, right? Ya.........I have to think about the saree part.


Dodda looked as if she would throw a fit.......while I was grinning from ear to ear having fun at her expense.


Dodda stands for Doddamma – my Mom’s elder sister - who has come to stay with us for a few days. If there is a better word than old-fashioned, then it would suit her to a tee !


So here I was baiting her for all I was worth when my Mom walked in on to the conversation.


Uh.. oh..


While Dodda took on the role of Vividh Bhaarati, I watched Mom’s expression change from curiosity to concern and finally resignation. I had to stop Maa before she revealed the truth.


“Mom, what are you making for dinner tomorrow?”


Mom did not even pretend to hear me.


“Mom, did I tell you what happened today?”


“But Dodda, she knows all that and much more…....” Mom's plea sounded plaintive to my own ears.


My grin changed into a grimace. Damage done. Sheesh !!


Dodda’s jaw dropped open making her look like a fish gasping for breath. I knew what she was going to state next.


“If that’s the case, why is she not married yet?” the very tone indicating any or all the following:

  1. Something is seriously wrong with me.
  2. I may be mentally deranged.
  3. I have shady past – drugs, a lover or two stashed somewhere.
  4. I am so proud and haughty that I do not need a husband to support me.


I watched pain flicker across Mom’s face before she muttered something completely irrelevant and fled to the kitchen.


Damage control needed. Double Sheesh!!


I slipped into the kitchen while she was pottering around.


“Mom, you know all that is not true. Why do you get upset?” I slowly ventured.


Silence.


“Mom, do you hold me responsible for the time you have granted? Do you think that I am guilty?”


Profound silence.


“Mom...... haven’t I given you my consent?”


Finally “No Chitu..... I do not hold you responsible for anything (mental sigh of relief on my part). Right things should happen at the right time and marriage is one of them. It’s just that ......I am tired of hearing all this from almost everybody. Every day. You believe in yourself. We believe you. But they....they do not even try to understand us."


I calmy replied, “Why should they? It’s not their business right? Why do we have to make them understand?”


“Because we live in a society, Chitu. We have an intrinsic need to a part of one. Society respects money, beauty, brains and prestige. Anything abnormal will be shunned upon. And unfortunately, since we do not have all the three in abundance, this has all the makings of one. Remember when you were upset because you were not a part of your college gang? There was nothing wrong with you. Yet..........”


I argued “But Mom, these experiences have made me strong. In choosing my friends, in saying ‘no’ to something/someone I do not like............”


“You are young, Chitu. And mentally capable of facing your peers. But what about us? We are on the other side of the experienced world. And we do not want to go through all this again. Apart from the rest of the world, we have to put up with our own folks’s so-called ‘suspicions’. “ Like Dodda, was left unsaid.


"You are tired of hearing. I am tired of convincing" - I had to stifle these words.


Sigh.....what’s my mistake?


One of the few times I hate being a woman............ Happy Women's Day.

29 comments:

Shruthi said...

Very nice post.. and so familiar! Chitra, heard the song "Kuch toh log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna"...?? Let people say what they want, you just take your time! And yes, its true that we live in a society and we cannot put off such things for too long and all that, so convince the ones close to you, coz they are the ones who matter ;)
Anyway you are ready :) so nobody can have anything against you on that count! :O

Khushi said...

Sigh!!
All of us sailing in the same damn boat...
one of my favourite signatures goes like this,
Life is like a theatre, invite your audience carefully, everyone doesnt deserve a front row seat ;-)

Happy Women's day !!!

Anurama said...

Sigh!

We cant go on convincing all of the oldies around us da..

There is a wonderful poem in Tamizh which says:

"Vaazhkaiye Porkalam
Vaazhndu dhaan Paarkanum
Porkalam Maaralaam
Porgal thaan Maarumo"

The rough translation is: "Life is a battlefield and we have to face it day in and day out. From time to time, the battlefields will change but battles, we will have to face always"

So, dont worry.. BM and AM (before marriage and after marriage) are two major battlefields that every woman has to face..

Happy Women's Day Dear!

AA said...

sakkat blog chitra! "Dodda" hehehe.. nice short-name! I can so imagine you in your house chatting with Dodda... n then going to the kitchen to talk to ur mom! Wish I was there!

Jo said...

It is better to take your time and wait for the right guy...than rush into thing and regret for the rest of your life...!! Especially when you have to rush because of the so called "society"..!!
Take Care and Keep the faith , gal !

Jyothika said...

sing???? adannu kelthara?? no way!!

chitra said...

-/Shruthi
Ya :) !!

-/Khushi
Wow... what a sigature da !! Love it !

-/Anu
WELCOME BACK !! And thanks da !!

-/AA
Tee hee... she is still here. I escaped to work. Mom is in the process of escaping :) :) !!

-/Jalena
Hey thanks Jalena !!

-/Jyo
Howdu kaNe. Doddamma taraha iddare definitely yes. :) :) Wait maaDi noDi :) !!

Vikram said...

Damn, why are they so after you about marraige da? OK, give me your dad's number, will call and talk to him about a prospective groom (ahem).

//Vividth Bhaarati//

Hahaha, too good, long time I heard that. :P

chitra said...

-/Vick(s)
Kya kare.. "yaavudu yaavaga aagabeko aaga aagalebeku" :) :). As to the number part, mail me and I will surely supply the necessary details (after overhead approval of course). Er... any particular guy in mind?

Vikram said...

ahem, ahem andre artha aagalva? huh? huh? huh? :(

sheesh..

chitra said...

-/Vick(s)
Me used to direct speaking. So... kindly elaborate :) !

Vikram said...

Meeeeee da... Meeeeeee prospectiive... sheesh...

ok. me going to sleep now...

tata

chitra said...

-/Vick(s)
Oh.. vokay !

Anonymous said...

Hey nice post! A good commemoration to Women's day.

Well, guys are not spared of this problem either, hope that is a little comforting.

Rajit

chitra said...

-/Rajit
He he he ... a bit :) !

alpha said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
alpha said...

See, you've got cold medicine in line for your hand.what more do u want? Vicks ki doli lau, Doddu ko door bhagau.

Jo said...

LOL..that last from alpha was really good..LOL !

chitra said...

-/Alpha
Hyuck hyuck... Dodda bhaag gayi :) !!

-/Jalena
Ya :) !!

Blythe Spyryt said...

Happy Women's Day girlie... I am going thru the same :( but sometimes i choose to not have a conscience esp when its not my fault.

chitra said...

-/Blythe_spyryt
Lovely name ! And wish I could do the same in this matter.... :(

Grandebelf said...

Looks like you are finally getting responses for your matrimonial ads;)

Anonymous said...

Hey Chitra .. nange english odoke baralla ankonDidya athva ninna blog page bagge nange yaaroo haeLalla ankonDya?.. hna?.. doDDamma andre chooru gaurava beDa? naanu haeLodu ninna oLLedakke tiLko.. aaytha? innadroo intha blogs post maaDbeDa.. nangella gothhagathhe.. hmm..

ninna doDDa. X-(

chitra said...

-/Grandebelf
(Unfortunately) yes !! :)

-/So-called-Dodda
Dodda...nimma permission inda ne ee blog post maaDide. Istu bega hege marethu hodri?? :) :)

Princesse said...

It's a beautifully written post and one that I can very closely relate to ... But, rest assured, time deals with all these things in a manner that is inconceivable to us in our present. Tomorrow has yet to happen, and until it does, we have to keep our wits about us and our confidence in tact. As long as we know we are not asking anything beyond what we know to be right for us :)...

All the best... 'Chitu' that's too cute.

chitra said...

-/Princesse
Hey...thanks on both counts! Loved this - "As long as we know we are not asking anything beyond what we know to be right for us"!

Anonymous said...

so-called-doDDa: hmm... irli irli... haNNele beeLovaaga chigurele nagodu swabhaavika... :). ninna chala/haTa annodu udhhaTatana aagde idre ashte saaku.. :). manushyatva modlu. aachaara vichaara aamele.. :). Change is the only constant.

chitra said...

-/so-called-doDDa
Rest assured adu aagolla :)! Er...I was of the opinion that change is the only variable :) !

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