Tuesday, May 20, 2008

To say...or not to say

I am the ultimate 'flee'er from confrontations.

I may have all the right reasons to defend myself, but most times, I let the person accuse me to the fullest, not even attempting to defend myself. It's similar to having a one-sided conversation… in this case, an accusation. One reason of not responding/reacting is to allow the people to vent the venom plaguing them inside. Another staid thought is that they are incapable of listening to any reasoning, however sound, during such emotional outbursts. Besides, any conversation hits home only when the participants are relaxed without being uptight and jumpy. In short, hysterically emotional (wow… did I actually coin that?)! My motto - stay away lest you get burnt (to a crisp!). The few times I let lose my feelings, I feel drained...... irritated with myself for losing my highly-prized control.

Sounds cool? Now you must be thinking what a control freak I am :-). True.....I do admit the fact (phew….finally!). However, my sense of control asserts itself not because I want things (or people) moulded to my liking, but more to prevent people getting worried because I am worried. Perhaps this nature of mine found its roots during my college days - classmate who was perpetually tensed during exams. I ensured that I did not run into her even accidentally because of conversations like this:

She: "Hey.....did you study Chapter xx? I got a tip that we would be having 40 marks worth questions based on that chapter.

Me: "Oh..... I guess I better get mentally prepared to lose them."

She: "Oh my God..... I don't know how I will clear the exams."

Me: <inaudible sigh>

I didn't know what was worse – listening to my 'concerns' being voiced aloud, or acknowledging that those 'concerns' scared the hell out of me!

There are times I feel I should vent out my feelings during that instant... nip that suffocating feeling, that engulfs me in the aftermath, in the bud. Situation, people......so many factors to tackle at one instant.

However, the flip side of thinking twice about letting your emotions get the better of you is that they sometimes tend to remain locked....frozen.....knocking the walls of your mind begging for a release.... and you simply can't, because you would have lost the voice, will and heart to do the same.

Hope, the universal booster, is no longer alive.

Under such circumstances, what should be done?

Another stab – to allow the trickle of feelings, or drive a stake to bury them deep within?


Anonymous said...

Are you married?

Endevourme said...

hehe lol :D :D (for the above comment)

y burst of posts all of a sudden?

Phoenix said...

I'm the ultimate confrontationist, almost pulling out issues from under the carpet rather than tucking them in. Hate fears so better face them n ruin them. :P

Chitra said...

Anonymously !

Oh well...all thoughts bursting out, you see ;-)!

Ha ha...! I like the sentiment but afraid I'm the total anti-avataar of you :-)!

angada said...

Ho! Ho! Ho! (First comment!)

Chitra said...

Sigh....I know I know...! Par kya kare...my (charming?) personality's such that it prompts Anons to ask such questions.

Ashma said...

I know it sounds repetitive.. :) but cant help myself.. hehehehehe.. for the first comment. :D

Coming to the post, I have always been the one to believe in saying and solving. Things r better out in the open. However just realized there are some (really small no of situations) where its better to just forget. Some ppl just hear u without actually listening. They have just decided what they want to think and thts it.. Hmm.. but then its just based on 1 experience of mine.. apart from tht i have always believed in being forthright.. I guess u have to adapt ur attitude based on the situation and ppl in question.

Chitra said...

Tee hee... I am beginning to see the funny side of it as well :-)!

Agree with you regarding the people part. However you have to be experienced enough to gauge people with regard to this....and more than one time, it becomes a bit too late before you realise that the person simply doesn't care. At the same time, those who do make their presence felt by gestures, small but meaningful... :-)