Friday, March 07, 2008

And they lived happily ever after (?)

There was a time when the man was the sole bread-winner of the family and the woman, in a parallel role, was in charge of the household. There existed a harmonious relationship between the genders with the male not interfering with the matters concerned with the ladies, and vice versa. The family balance and integrity was maintained via amiable discussions and consultations.


And then a revolution was heralded in the form of education. And with slogans of equality ringing around every corner of the street, the girl was considered no less equal to a boy in all respects. The girl was provided the right to lead her life the way she wanted to.


The then woman has evolved into today’s woman – confident, smart and almost in charge of her life. Except in one aspect – marriage.


In today’s much-desired, much touted, high-flying lifestyle, who does not wish their wife to be working? If possessions like a site, a flat, a flashy car, an off-the-rack music system find their way to the personal to-be-achieved list of common man, would it be possible with a lone person toiling away all his life to a supposedly paltry sum of 10 lakhs per annum? Perhaps in around ten years. Perhaps not given the make-it-snappy mantra.


The day begins at around 7:30 a.m. with commuting to work. If you stay near to your office, you are saved. Else, traffic snarls, long journeys would just be another addition to your routine life. Time at work is all consuming with issues, client meetings, meeting deadlines, and surviving politics. Hey…. It is all a part of work right? Next in the list is the journey home. Another dose of traffic and road rage. When you reach home, frazzled and worn-out like a limp doll, all you desire is a hot meal and a warm bed. And that’s where the similarity ends. For a woman, another aspect of personal life just begins with her cooking, cleaning and household chores. Throw in a couple of kids and a demanding husband, the picture is complete.


I personally know a seven-figure-salary-earning lady who wants to quit her job to take care of her kid. She laments that it is hard to get out of the commitments she’s been pushed into. A huge chunk of her salary goes into repaying a home loan. Another part is allocated towards her husband’s sister’s marriage. Yet another part goes towards the beautiful wood-work of their house and their modular kitchen. With all this, she does not get to spend anything on herself, not even Rs. 500. It is ‘family commitments’ all the way!


Another complains that she hardly gets to spend time with her seven month baby. Though in favour of extending her maternity leave, she had to go back to work leaving behind her bawling three-month old because she could not afford to stay even another unpaid month!


Yet another confides that she is no close getting her long-awaited promotion because she is not able to put in the required number of hours at work, which amounts to around ten hours a day depending on the work outsourced by clients in US, including weekends. Why? Because she is seven months pregnant.


You would think that with all this, guys prefer a girl who would stay at home and look after the kids, right? Wrong! Because of the following reasons: the liberated woman wants to prove her worth by pursuing a career of her choice sans family commitments, what’s-the-use-of-your-education-if-you-do-not-work line of thought, and guys themselves prefer working-girls who would be able to amply contribute to the family kitty. Another opportunity at multi-tasking, but not without family-support (and motivation).


So.........where’s the choice?


With assertiveness and personal ambitions spearheading today's woman, however underestimated she is, here's hoping that she emerges strong and independent, juggling jobs with the much-desired support system in place. And, as I look around, I realize that at least a few are lucky enough to have the latter, undoubtedly the key factor.

Wish you all happy Woman's day :-).......!

22 comments:

CP said...

comon, not all of them marry with loan plans in mind.

living on loans is one's own folly.

when you cant compromise, you can make choices and vice versa.

Chitra said...

-/CP
All of them may not live on loans. However, not all are foolish to enter wedlock without any plans for the future, right? And in case one needs to achieve these, compromise need not be the only means provided time is at your disposal.

Chaitra said...

Well...with the whole "liberation" thing...only expectations have increased. Earlier the lady of the house didn't have to contribute financially...now the first thing the guy wants to know is if she is earning..and the next thing is whether she can cook!!!

Chitra said...

-/Chaitra
Oh yes!! You said it !

Endevourme said...

beautiful! i liked the way you look face to face into the issue
happy women's day :D!!

Amrita said...

Very true. Expectations are on the rise. But i feel womens assertiveness should also be. Women are capable of lot and they allow themselves to b pushed to any lengths. At a point of time i think they should put their foot down and state enuff.. the lunch aint getting cooked if the husband does nt help in cutting the stuff..
take shifts handling the baby... etc etc...
i kno its tuff.. and we women cant leave things half done..
may the day come soon when we are "liberated" in the true sense of the term. Amen

Chitra said...

-/Endevourme
Wow ! Thanks!

-/Amrita
Yep ! You said it right ! Liberation need not be wearing whatever you like or doing whatever you wish. It could be as simple as sharing responsibilities so that a woman could have some quality time for herself.

Endevourme said...

the pic is not opening btw...

Chitra said...

-/Endevourme
Yup! Fixed it! Thanks for pointing that out to me :-)!

Anonymous said...

A question for 7-figure earning lady you mentioned :

what-is-the-use-of-your-education-if-you-cannot-stand-up-for-yourself?
Who told you to act like a super-woman? You bought a house you cannot afford, get pregnant again when you already have a small baby etc etc and now you are cribbing. If you don't set your priorities in your life, thats what happens. If you want to prove (to others) that you are an "adarsh bhartiya naari" then
pay the price. Ha! I don't really like these "Parvati bhabhi" kinda characters.
I obviously don't know this particular lady, but i know many like her. And i always
failed to sympathize with them. And if you think that i am being harsh about her because
i am not able to put myself in her shoes, let me tell you something.

I am 7 months pregnant, software engineer in California. I drive 25 miles to go
to work everyday, cook, exercise and do all the chores (my husband is also very supportive).
And still i am pretty happy with my life. Why ? because i never force myself...I don't feel any need to
prove anything to anybody. or i am the boss of my life :)

Anonymous said...

A question for 7-figure earning lady you mentioned :

what-is-the-use-of-your-education-if-you-
cannot-stand-up-for-yourself?
Who told you to act like a super-woman? You bought a house you cannot afford, get pregnant again when you already have a small baby etc etc and now you are cribbing. If you don't set your priorities in your life, thats what happens. If you want to prove (to others) that you are an "adarsh bhartiya naari" then
pay the price. Ha! I don't really like these "Parvati bhabhi" kinda characters.
I obviously don't know this particular lady, but i know many like her. And i always
failed to sympathize with them. And if you think that i am being harsh about her because
i am not able to put myself in her shoes, let me tell you something.

I am 7 months pregnant, software engineer in California. I drive 25 miles to go
to work everyday, cook, exercise and do all the chores (my husband is also very supportive).
And still i am pretty happy with my life. Why ? because i never force myself...I don't feel any need to
prove anything to anybody. or i am the boss of my life :)

Guru said...

I partly agree with you.Every one has the right to lead their life the way one want. Its their mutual agreement to and take the decision to share their earning or whatever to live happily. Its a fair world ..

Amrita said...

Well Anon - I wud say sometimes.. it gets a bit tuff for women to put thr foot down. After a point if u dont get support from any quarter u tend to give up and stop fighting.aint the very correct attitude but.. not every one is born strong.

Swati said...

good point chitra. In the name of liberation, today's women are pushing themselves! Am glad that I am strong enough and made my choice. I have resigned and am a housemom now..
btw came here thru Angada's blog..

Vijay said...

Hi, Awesome topic :-) Much needed these days..... they fail becoz of no proper planning in place and high expectations.

At the same time, we have people around being happyily married managing kids @ personal & work committments. In todays world in the name of liberation human values have gone for toss hence we have to pay for it !!

Just ask what you want from liberation?? That may lead to happy life !!

As our DVG said :

Eruvuda nenedu, baare nembudannu bidu harushakkade daree :-)

Endevourme said...

hi chitra!
i found one strange site...see the link below...it points to our blogs as informative sites!!hehe


http://www.danieldanyon.com/informative-sites.html

Chitra said...

-Anon
First things first – I have got to say that you are lucky. Lucky enough to know your mind. Lucky enough to chart out your life course. Lucky enough to have an understanding partner. And most importantly, lucky enough to have support.

I have always believed that one needs some time for oneself. For reflection. For retrospection. To come to terms with something. To lay to rest an inner battle.

You are lucky enough to have this time to yourself.

Unfortunately, my friend doesn't.

It is as simple as that.

Without laying her personal life bare, all I can say is this – though strong-willed and independent, she has chosen to cater to the demands of her responsibilities rather than her own. And she did not have a choice as to accepting the responsibilities thrust on her. It was either this, or an ugly family situation. And I am proud to say that she gave up the one thing for which she laboured so hard in her life for the sake of maintaining a relationship – her independence.

And it is just not my friend here. There are so many women out there who simply cannot obtain a foot-hold in their life, thanks to so many mounting pressures. Work, personal, travel so on and so forth. The difference lies the fact that for reaching office for a 9:00 a.m. meeting, you would have to leave home at around 7:00 a.m. And, one has duties to attend to (breakfast preparation, cleaning etc) before that. Sometimes, you have your spouse to share most chores with. Otherwise, make do with the employed bai for the household chores, or nanny for the children. Still, it is a compromise. You end up missing feeling the first tooth of your baby because you have been busy closing a deal for your company.

Not all are lucky enough to achieve that balance between chasing their dreams and handling their responsibilities. Sometimes, you end up living for others, instead of yourself. And that's the biggest injustice you can do to yourself.


-/Guru
That's the deplorable part - agreement would be mutual initially but later, if the relationship hits rock-bottom, it becomes a mud-slinging match.

-/Swati
Hey Swati! Good to hear that! So how does it feel to be with your little one? Do you miss your job?

-/Amrita
Yes lady ! Well said :-)!

-/Vijay
Aaaaah.....! To remain happily married, what's the secret ;-)?

-/Endevourme
Oh yes! I provide info, don't I ;-) ?

Endevourme said...

hehe
i dont :-/

Phoenix said...

Thank god women can multi task to at least some extent. Life is hard, aint it.

Chitra said...

-/Endevourme
Oh yeah :-)?

-/Phoenix
It is as hard as we can make it :-)!

AMARJEET KAUR said...

babe kaiko ye sab rona dhona? - tereko focus chaiye - focus on yenjoying - no problem that cant be solved with a sense of humor

Wassup & everything

Chitra said...

-/Amar
Teeeee heeeee !! Kya kare yaar! Enjaay to karte hai. Par aas-paas dekho to ye sab hai :-|! Anyways, teek hai ;-)! Tum bataaon... mail kar :-)!