Friday, June 02, 2006

Million dollar question...

There are times I feel the futility of a relationship weighing on me as heavily as water bubbles. Ignorance, indifference, ego, harsh words....can anything be more potent in bursting it?


She tells something. He tells something. They fight. And ......they sulk like children while each waiting the other to apologize first.


How dumb.......!


But recently, I realized one thing – I am no different from such dumb people.


Reason – I refused to justify myself in order to save a relationship.


There are times when I have to make an effort to make myself understood to people who are close to me......whom I value a lot. Since any relationship requires some amount of work to keep it alive, I really do not mind this. But when it comes to matter of questioning my core, it takes a lot of effort in my part to coherently explain.....to make people understand. And that person has to be really special for me to re-visit those murky depths. There should be a kind of commitment involved......a true sense of security - that I do not get ‘punished’ for expressing my thoughts....when I am assured that there's no kind of abuse from the other end.....when I feel free in expressing myself both on an emotional and physical level.


If I am intelligent, do I have to prove my intelligence at each and every turn of life?


If I am talented, do I have to play down my talent to make someone feel more secure?


If I am strong, do I have to elaborate the reasons, most of them too painful to recount, that have contributed to my strength?


Does the rule of getting as good as you give hold good all the time?


Why can’t I lean for comfort....why can’t I expect a shoulder to cry on...without ego boundaries...without untold explanations?

Why? Sigh..........why?

19 comments:

aa said...

Chitraa.... this blog is filled with deep emotions and sorrows.

I feel expecting a shoulder to cry is alright but if you do not get one... don't you think you will get used to living that way and stop "expecting"? ( I know that it is a very pessimistic way of looking at things but still worth considering )

ritzkini said...

*sigh*
Bcos...else people think you are weak...and could...repeat,could..not all,some..try to take advantage of you...
:-/
thats the world for you..some good..some not-so-good..
:)

direkishore said...

>>> She tells something. He tells >>>something. They fight.
>>> And ......they sulk like children >>>while each waiting the other to >>>apologize first.

Reminds me of Gulzar's lines.

Unhen ye zid thi ke hum bulaate
hamen ye ummeed vo pukaaren

Hope you find peace soon!

Sujit said...

There should be a kind of commitment involved......a true sense of security - that I do not get ‘punished’ for expressing my thoughts

The person has to be close enough that you can open and tell your thoughts that are deep rooted which is pretty opaque for other!!.. the fragile!.. its only with those persons that we feel to tell things and share things out!.. in and out!.. And also that what we say to that person would remained burried in him/her. So, that i can be what I am..? alwa?

If I am intelligent, do I have to prove my intelligence at each and every turn of life?
At times in life it requires to prove yourself!!.. not with the person but if required you need to show them that you are not dumb and take you for a ride? ..

If I am talented, do I have to play down my talent to make someone feel more secure?
Seciruty is a feel from inside!.. if you are talented to feel other person secure means you are using your abilities to fake other person feelings to make them secure alwa?.. aaga neevu nevagirla!!.. a masked person!..

If I am strong, do I have to elaborate the reasons, most of them too painful to recount, that have contributed to my strength?

painfull counts of life is what makes us strong!.. and if the person close to you is really close should be able to understand that!.. and if you willing to tell they should hear you else not question you.. but support you!..

Does the rule of getting as good as you give hold good all the time?

never!!!..

you can lean on a shoulder for comfort!!.. but before expecting that.. asure yourself that the shoulder is going to be there!!.. its better to be with people who like us!.. that ensure they will be there when we need..!! than to be with people whom we like!! they may not be there as.. they would like look for a shoulder towards someone else!!.. not on one who is waiting to be there... you!!!... tumba jasti aithalva??...

PRIDERA said...

Well emoted blog !

The Avenger !! said...

good one chitzz i very well identify with what you feel ...

VENU VINOD said...

Nice writing style.Picture used too intensifies the feelings of your writing.
But some questions have dont answers. They are just questions and should remain, thats life as in my opinion

ann said...

you have answered your question!

'I feel the futility of a relationship weighing on me as heavily as water bubbles'

Exactly! they are as heavy and transient as water bubbles (dew drops as ur pic tells). Once the sun comes, they vanish!

Avinash said...

Ego is bad in a relationship. If it means a temporary hurt to your ego, you should bear it. There's nothing wrong in compromising as long as the other is not bent upon not hearing you. Communicate.

chitra said...

-/AA
Hoon..howdu.

Depends on the person(s) involved. Yaarinda asTu expectations idyo....

-/Kini
Yuppu...

-/Kishore
Peace?? Very very elusive...:)

-/Sujit
Tee hee..illa..jaasti yenu aagilla !

-/Pridera
Thanks !

-/ANN
But they do exist till the Sun comes right? Until then....

-/Avi
Communication is two-way, Avi. The other person has to listen and not hear....

Once in a while, it's okay. But yaavagloo...that's when I feel that it's good to break off anthaa....

Avinash said...

hmmm... that case, you should give back what you got. sometimes it works.. :). just cut yourself off for sometime. If he/she comes back, then you are in. Else you never were.

chitra said...

-/Avi
Tee hee...give back eh? :) And agreed on point no. 2!

Khushi said...

You know what, one simple funda...

Be who you are,
say what you feel,
people who mind dont matter,
people who matter dont mind...
!!!

some other anonymous said...

#khushi
saKKat hot magaa :-)
such a sunny bright and powerful thought!
u put off my monday blues!

chitra said...

-/Khushi
Hyuck hyuck...how true! But for people who matter a lot, you have to give in a leetle....just have to make sure that they are the right people, asTe...

Khushi said...

some other anonymous
he he thank you :D

chitra
if they matter, they better dont mind ;-)
he he

endevourme said...

khushi,
i agree :-)
nice thought indeed...

chitra said...

-/Khushi
Tee hee..:D!!

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