Monday, May 03, 2010

People....thou are God

I know I know! I've been away too long. And that's because, I found an easier way to express - well... I speak out :-)!

Jokes apart, the following is a topic that's been in my mind for quite some time, and (wonder of wonders), a pet peeve, something which PA has been nagging all along since....hmmm....hmmm...for almost two years now! Auuunnnnd the topic is - I don't hang out with people. I don't call up people. I don't interact with people. Given a book (and a laptop with Internet), I prefer to be by myself. Why? Given this soul-searching nature of the question, I had to dug into my depths of my memory to come up with a suitable explanation. I was such friendly soul in the past. But now, I've become such a notoriously selective person, so much that I prefer being alone rather than being with people who are a pain to be with. It's not that I don't hang out with friends. It's just that.... I like being alone. But then again, I like being alone. To the point of secluding myself. So..... what made me such an introvert? PA, this post is for you (and all those people who've foolishly ventured out to pop this question to me), and the whole world is out to witness my explanation....and my wrath.

  • Expl 1: I was nerd. A geek. During my college days, my geekiness (and gawkiness) was predominant in the way I dressed (ack....was it me?), spoke, and I guess, every aspect of my character. And I only came to know of this 'little thing' when the boyfriend of my friend (who's no longer a friend) revealed this truly revealing thought- "She is such a specimen." Ahem....ladies and gentlemen (I hope), that 'she' is none other than yours truly and imagine the distress she felt when she was addressed a specimen! (Not good for her image at all!). And to think that I actually cried over it! All names under the sun....to me!

  • Expl 2: Thanks to my.... err...'image', I was shunned by most of my collegians. Hence, the uppermost feeling during those days was a craving for acceptance. By peers. By friends. But most were too smart for their age: here I was, the loner who dressed badly. Imagine what would happen to your image if you hang out with me, this....this geeky specimen (hah!). The implications were too scary to imagine....... I guess. Between a geek and your friends, whom would you choose? Geek lost round 2 , and was condemned to remain alone for the rest of her term.

  • Expl 3: Public image is a very powerful thing. And more than the individual, this image is more or less fueled by the society, by people talking behind your back. And the more 'powerful' and 'influential' they are, the more you are screwed! Even if I was a friendly albeit badly dressed, geeky soul, people were simply not ready to 'invest' their time, energy and emotion in me because......I was simply not worth it. Most of the times, I was excluded out of that 'elite' group of people invited to a party, get-together, a trek simply because I wasn't accepted by the rule-makers of that group. Or somebody had an axe to grind with me. And even though I was apparently a your friendly neighborhood girl to hang out with alone, the helpful classmate who lends her notes to you, the kind girl who listens to your cribs about life (and boys), I .....was not 'classy' enough to be invited to your party.

I learnt one of the most important lessons in my life - it's easier to simply venture out and identify your friends rather than penetrate a judgmental clique. Nobody has the guts to speak up for you since they themselves want to be accepted (this is the best explanation I could come up with). If there's something called hope, you'll find people who accept you, and even if that number's pretty small compared to the phenomenal number of the 'accepted' group, you'll be happy being yourself with the former.

Past is history. But sometimes, history has a weird way of repeating itself. And I am very averse to be caught in that loop. I give too much credit....to myself!
I am smart. Talented. I write well. I can express my thoughts fluently. I dress well. I look...and feel good. I am on my way to pursue my career ambitions. I am loved and accepted by all those who matter most in my life. The prejudiced rest are simply not worth my time.

And this, my friends, remains the fundamental truth of my life.

24 comments:

Madhu said...

Interesting, sounds familiar with how I think too.

- Madhu.

MindfulMeanderer said...

Hmmm.. :) Every person is a speciman!! I was too.. if u remember? Hugssss. Be what u r , do what makes u comfortable. No point in being all social just because U have To!
I just wish u did write more often.. I abs love the way u express.

Chitra said...

-/Madhu
Et tu ;-)?

-/MiMe
Thanks so much for those kind words! Aund the compliment :-)! But were you a specimen? Don't think so :-).

ananth said...

Wow....the story is revealed...ur thoughts are very transparent from ur writing... very well written..I too wish that u write more..

JESSON and REY ANN said...

nice posting keep blogging,.... i am very new in blogging, please and kindly visit my blog,.. thanks a lot... here are top ten tips to stay in good healthhttp://jabrasr.blogspot.com/

Chitra said...

-/A
Uh uh...?? Really...?? Thanks! And will try to write more :-)!

-/JRAnn
Hey...thanks! And nice tips!

Anu said...

Chitra,

There's a tag on my blog for you that I think you will like doing. Please take it up..

Warm regards,
Anu

Chitra said...

-/Anu
Yyyep! Saw the tag. And will do the tag :-)! Tried leaving a comment on your post. Yeno problem aaitu :-(!

Smile-san said...

it's just like what you wrote in the last paragraph. as long as there are people around u who really care about u, you don't need to care about the whole society. and the way u stopped and try to explain such things u notice about ur self, is good, too. analyzing something will improve your understanding of that particular thing, or so I think. still, not all people are this shallow, so I'm sure you'll find more who may get interested in u, work for it if possible, it could be fun :).

Amrita said...

:) I completely understand :) Hmm and also relate to it. BE what you are!! Completely!

奕希紋謙 said...

Well done!............................................................

Tings said...

Nice blog... But i never thought you would be so open in your writing... I think we all must have gone thru a time like this.. Including me but I still feel bad for those times and can’t come out with it so openly.
Keep writing.

鈺苓賴 said...

你不能左右天氣,但你可以改變心情.............................................................

育隆 said...

在你一無所有的時候 是誰在陪伴你 他便是你最重要的人............................................................

黃威宇 said...

喜歡看大家的文章,每篇都是一個故事,都是一種心情~~祝大家開心愉快............................................................

駱李淑華明欣 said...

Lets cross the bridge when we come to it............................................................

Suresh Sathyanarayana said...

Hi,

Ofcourse a stranger here... stumbled upon your blog... from another....

to start with... critically "People... Thou art god" may have sounded better ....

Lolzz... Kidding... dint come here to do that...I mean criticize...

But come to think of what you have written... commendable that it is for you to have shared these things about you... which i feel most individuals do not dare to ... since be it whatever medium, they have a pre-conceived fear of already not being accepted if they express themselves....

I just wanted to add this from my own experience of being an earthling for a few years now... that people come to you the best... the best.. if you accepted them as they are natural....dont know what you feel

Regards
Su

Birdy said...

Happened to come across this blog. Read this post and felt that I had written it myself. Gosh, I cannot agree with you more about being happy with a book and my laptop and my camera... And I too was such a friendly soul in the past... Thanks for voicing my thoughts to myself :)

家唐銘 said...

安安唷~~幸運的日子送給妳(你)滿滿的幸福,也祝福你天天都開心唷............................................................

吳沛黃以富民 said...

Circumstances are the rulers of the weak, instrument of the wise.............................................................

bsbchristhy said...

be positive is good!! think of positive makes u one steps closer to positive outcome!

俊陳凱俊陳凱俊陳凱 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼......................................... ........................

Chitra said...

-/San
Thanks for your comment! But if I could be totally frank, it is easier said than done. Still, appreciate your insight! Keep visiting!

-/Qian
Thanks!

-/Tings
You speak as if I know you in person. Do I?

-/Su
Aaah...welcome to the world of earthlings!

-/Birdy
Thanks for your comment! And keep visiting!

-/Huang
Couldn't agree with you more!

-/BSBC
If there was a store for selling positive energy, I would be the first customer!

-/Kaijun
Does it translate to "Value of the individual should look at what he contributed, rather than what he made"?

Chitra said...

-/Ann
Thank you so much for the lucky day wishes! And wish you the same!

-/Huang
Glad you enjoyed the articles! Keep visiting!

-/Yu Long
Yep! It took a long time to realize that I have to be important too :-)!

-/Lai
"You can not control the weather, but you can change the mood". That's the best thing I've heard! Thanks!

-/Amrita
Aaaaah....another soulmate!