I am lucky enough to be born to parents who have groomed me to be self-sufficient by providing me good education. However, there are times when I do feel that being a girl is a burden because of some situations I put them through.
Being single has its repercussions. I have nosy ‘well-wishers’ who wonder aloud as to why I am not yet married. Considering that I am still quite some years away from the dead-end figure of thirty, I wonder why this has become a hotly-discussed topic. To make matters worse, there have been allusions about the existence of (one or more) boyfriend(s) as well! Geez…..! The depth to which nosy-parkers can sink to!
I happened to be at home when my Mom was in the process of calling up a prospective groom. The call was received by the guy’s Mother. After dispensing with the required preliminaries, my Mom was at the receiving end of a barrage of questions which included the likes of “Is your daughter fair?” to which my Mom (smartly) replied that every child looks the best to its parents. This was followed by an enquiry if I had a H1 visa. I was wondering what does H1 visa have to do with marriage when she answered that her son apparently prefers a girl who is eligible to work ‘as soon as possible’ abroad! Hah ! It is not just ladies who are choosy these days!
I am at a juncture of life where I am quite sure about my priorities and my aspirations. I may not be drop-dead beautiful. Or even remotely cute (a key aspect of finding a good husband even if you do not have brains :)...) ! But hey, I am smart, frank and quite likable (a revelation to me indeed :-)......). I am bereft of pretence. I am a voracious reader. I maintain a blog. I have a yen for photography, music and colours. I have good dressing sense. I do not have to apologize for knowing better English than your average Joe. Or for being interested in photography. Or for being able to handle a DSLR better than most ladies. Or, in short, for knowing my mind. And this , I gather, is enough to set the warning bells (of insecurity) clanging among the males? Baah !
I still remember that one of the most back-handed comments I had received regarding my photos was that since it has been captured using an expensive camera it is bound to come out good! How chauvinistic! Is that supposed to put me ‘in place’? For crying aloud, that 'expensive' camera cost me nearly five months' salary, something which I scrimped, scrounged and saved to buy!
I have taken all the major decisions in my life so far. And I have learnt to be responsible for them. There have been some which I have not taken because it is not dependent on me alone. There have been times I do feel the lack of a guide….. or a father-figure. There have been indeterminate delays in taking major decisions because I would have needed time for a research. But hey, I have made mistakes and learnt from them. I am lucky enough to have good friends. However, if there’s one thing that I have learnt the hard way, it is to not be submissive! And unfortunately, that’s exactly the aspect which is perceived as a threat by men (and their Moms).
Phew ! Getting married is no easy job ..........and I am finding it the hard way :-| ! Let me appease myself at least in this way......
:-D :-D !!
1. When I was young (as if I am old now!), I used to think of marriage as something particular to the individuals involved. However, as I see my parents go through the motion of searching for a suitable groom, I am forced to backtrack into thinking that marriage is not just between two individuals but between two disparate families as well. Without mutual respect between the families involved, I am pretty sure that the couple in question would not have a hunky-dory life to lead, unless the spouse is taken into account as an individual.....and this is an art perfected by the minority of mature people.
2. Any relationship would involve compromise, as I was discussing with a friend from Delhi. So does marriage. What differs is the level of compromise, and whether some can actually be termed as 'compromise'. As I was discussing with her, what's wrong in flagging off this relationship as friends and gradually progressing to higher levels of relationship? Am I being very naive in presuming thus (after all, a compromise is a compromise, with or without friendship) ?