Tuesday, March 21, 2006

The Echo Effect

It had been a long time since I had seen NR. So on my way back from lunch I dropped into his cube. He was busy smiling into his monitor. Aah......did not take long to figure out that Cupid was doing his usual rounds. Perching myself on his desk and ignoring his exasperated expression, I peered into the monitor – and thus the mail – and declared, “Nah......the single red-rose would do. You can remove the rest of the flowers.” NR complied muttering something about privacy under his breath.

“Tum kabhi nahi sudrogi kya? Ek dum naak mein dum karti ho.
BTW, you are looking good today.” This is NR – the person who manages to curse and praise me all in one breath.

And when it comes to compliments, my behaviour strongly resembles that of a new-born platypus. So, typically I grinned and replied, “I always look good on a Tuesday, NR.” If only I knew how to bat my eye-lashes, I would have done that too
:) !

“Hai Raam yeh ladki kab sudregi?” NR threw up his hands in mock surrender making me grin even wider when he suddenly changed tack of the conversation, “Say......you never get tired of grinning, do you? How do you manage, Chits?”

One look at his serious face and I had to mentally switch gears to answer this question, “Well........Everybody has some problems or the other. I do not like to harp on my mine and make the world know that I have several. Most of the time, I’d rather smile and make others smile as well.”

NR was insistent, “But you do tell to someone right?”

This conversation was now making me slightly uncomfortable, “Ya........but it takes time to establish that kind of intimacy.”

Seeing his perplexed expression, I explained, “Remember your initial assessment of me? You thought that I was as obnoxious as anyone could possibly be. What made you change your mind?”

He laughed loudly, “Oh God, how can I forget that? But only after I spent some time working with you that I came to know that you were not at all what I had presumed you to be. But what does this have to do with my question?”

“Everything, my dear NR, everything. If you had continued assuming that I was obnoxious, and if I had continued to think that you were unapproachable” (at this point NR nearly choked) “ we would never have got to this point. When I sensed that you were willing to talk, I too shed that ‘image’ and began to talk. But ya, if you had continued to display the same behaviour as before, I too would have remained aloof. It’s all a matter of give-and-take but not in the materialistic sense.”

NR was eager for more but I had enough of this imparting-gyaan session and escaped as fast as my sprained ankle could make it.

I have most of my friends complaining that I am not verbal enough if I am upset. Aru went as far as saying that he depends on my blog to know my mood! Uncomfortably, I accepted that it was true. But then, I have never been a vocal person, especially if I am sad :( [Kini, oru warning - one more mention of shoulder and I am going to skin you alive !]. It takes a loooonnnnng time for me - depending on the intimacy factor - to open up! So, am I abnormal? Eh?

But the thought lingered in my mind.
In fact, thanks to AA, I had been thinking about this since morning -

How much of yourself can you reveal?

Depends on the boundaries.

And who sets these boundaries?

Depends on the individuals involved.

What factors?

Oh.....so many – first impressions, compatibility, common interests, comfort-level, mutual respect, trust, admiration, vibes, chemistry.......

And most importantly it should work both ways :)


Shruthi said...

You are absolutely right! :D
It's like an inch from here, an inch from there, and soon you have bridged the space. Cool post!

Jay said...


chitra said...

Gotcha !!

Yenu :) !

chitra said...

Er...forgot to mention 'thanks' :) !

Anonymous said...

so-called-doDDa: agree.. you shouldn't reveal everything of yourself to everyone. But a grin for everything?.. grr.. i know a person who does this. Happy or sad.. a GRIN... hmm.. be what u r!!.. just a matter of time people will get adjusted.. :)

aa said...

chitra... i do agree that u should not reveal everything to every one. but when u know that some one wants to know u... and u want to know that person too (also u want that person to know u) then why hesitate? i know the grin on ur face u r talking about. that grin reveals that u r sad and u r trying to hide it. so better say it upfront than saying it indirectly. grin may hurt the person (assuming that the other person means something to u) communicating with u coz it creates a distance.

chitra said...

Hey...you know what?? I am really beginning to like you :) :)!


Phoenix said...

How much of yourself can you reveal?

Depends on the boundaries.

True, and these boundaries are a function of:
1. the peopl involved.
2. the time of the day u get to talk:P
3. your insecuriteis and fears
4. trust
5. luck

chitra said...

Yup ...and yup :) ! Difficult to find the right combination for the right person :) !

Khushi said...

//So, am I abnormal?
naaah, even I mostly belong to your category.. mebbe its just a feeling that u dont have to burden others with your worries... and mebbe the confidence that you can deal with it urself..

factors alli first impression??? Is it so important???? so many times the first impressions are wrong alwa...

PS: howz your broken ankle??? ;-)

chitra said...

First impressions can change if you are given time. But they do matter a lot :)!

Ankle vokay vokay. Thanks for enquiring :)!

Khushi said...

but I assume, after you get to know a person more, your first impression just doesnt matter...

chitra said...

That I agree...but to get the person more, first impression swalpa aadro irabeku alwaa?

Khushi said...

hmm.... adu sari...

chitra said...

:) ! Consider a case if the first impression is not good. There is a very rare chance to get to know that individual unless you are thrown together in some circumstance. Until then, you would be of the opinion that this person sucks :) !

Anonymous said...

Was that NR Narayan Murthy, that you had this conversation with? :D

- A passer-by

Anonymous said...

huchhu huDgeee... heegella parichaya irdorna ishTu baega ishTa paDbaardu... chikkdirbaekidre ninge haeLkoTTiddella marthoytha?.. hmmm.. eegin kaalad huDgeero.. tch.. tch...

jokes apart, neenu ninna bhavanegaLanna tumba chennagi vyaktapaDstiya kaNe.. chennagirathhe odoke.. :). Keep going!

Anonymous said...

so-called-doDDa: ohh.. modlin commentge signature haakoke marthe.. comment starting "huchhu huDgeee..." is mine. :)

chitra said...

-/Anon 1
Tee hee...nope !

-/Anon 2
Oho..dhanyavadagalu :) !!

Sari biDi...gottaayithu. Bere yaarigoo haage kariyosTu dhairya illa :) !

ritzkini said...

"Kandha",then ?
Good post..identify completely with it..

chitra said...

Tee hee..danks machaa :) :)!